The Snail Mail Cure for Cynicism
The hobby that reaffirms my faith in people when I need it most.
Hello world from Struggling to Leave the Bed Summer.
What’s that aesthetic, you ask?
Going to the grocery store, tired and sad, to buy expensive cheese for dinner.
Falling down increasingly strange YouTube rabbit holes, like Sovereign Citizen in Court Tube.
Adding a sequin lobster sweater to my J. Crew shopping cart. Deciding I can’t afford it when I see the shipping (see aforementioned cheese), remove it. Sweater shows up on my Instagram again. Add the sweater to the cart. Repeat the process ad infinitum.
Stuff like that.
Mostly, it has been swimming against the tide of listlessness that threatens to overtake me.
I wrote last week about accepting my emotions, the entire range of ‘em. So I will accept this listless feeling, but that won’t stop me for fighting to add happiness alongside it. Jen from Recently Enjoyed Things shared her Inside Out mantra in the comments on last week’s post. She says “I've been actively thinking ‘let Joy take the console.’” I wouldn’t say I’m so much letting Joy take the console as I am grabbing her by the collar and screaming “GET THE HELL IN HERE, JOY!! I NEED YOU!”
I am clawing to protect my hope, my values and my kindness. It’s hard, y’all. Every rude driver and news story makes me question my outlook. Makes me want to throw my hands up in exasperation and give up. Are humans just the worst and if so, does it make the most sense just to keep hiding out in my room?
A Light Summer Read on the Nature of Humankind
It was with all of this pessimism that I purchased Rutger Bregman’s Humankind: A Hopeful History. I picked this up on a whim while spending a Barnes & Noble gift card a few weeks ago. I love a nice pop history and the optimistic tone stopped me in my tracks. I held it up to my husband with a grin and announced “I’m going to get this.”
Bregman’s argument is as simple as it is radical. He posits that most humans are decent people. That we evolved to use cooperation and trust versus competition to achieve our success as a species.
Bregman takes down several notorious experiments that concluded otherwise, like the Stanford Prison Experiment and Milgram’s shock experiment. Instead, consider the real life Lord of the Flies, in which boys stranded on an island worked together to maintain a fire for over a year, created a food garden and hollowed out tree trunks to store rainwater. How about the Christmas truce in WW1, where German and British troops temporarily came out of their trenches to exchange gifts and play games?
My personal favorite example is when BBC attempted to recreate the Stanford Prison Experiment without telling people what to do this time. Says Bregman:
Things were just getting started when one guard announced he didn’t feel suited to the role of guard: ‘I’d rather be a prisoner, honestly…’
On day two, another suggested sharing the guards’ food with the prisoners to boost morale. Then on day four, when it looked like some sparks might fly, a guard advised a prisoner: ‘If we can get to the end of this, we can go down to the pub and have a drink.’ Another guard chimed in, "‘Let’s discuss this like human beings.’
On day five, one of the prisoners proposed setting up a democracy. On day six, some prisoners escaped from their cells. They headed over to the guards’ canteen to enjoy a smoke, where the guards soon came to join them. On day seven, the group voted in favor of creating a commune.” (page 156)
So did I walk away from reading this convinced that people are inherently good? Maybe, jury is still out. I’m not convinced enough that I’m ready to co-sign all of Bregman’s propositions for rearranging prisons, education and politics around his optimistic view of human nature. As one GoodReads reviewer put it “daddy needs to chill cause we could be getting a bit too delulu”.
Of all the studies and stories I found in Bregman’s book, it was actually a piece of fakelore that stuck the strongest chord with me.
Feeding the Good Wolf - with Postcards.
When I feel my faith in humanity waning, I turn to my favorite hobby - Postcrossing.
I joined Postcrossing in 2021, having stumbled upon it in the comments section of Cup of Jo. The pandemic was in full swing and I was feeling especially pessimistic about the world. With no expectations, I signed up. The concept is simple. Draw a name and receive an address from another member anywhere in the world. You’ll be directed to the member’s profile to learn a little about their life and their favorite types of cards. Then you just mail off the card. In return, you will receive a postcard from another member.
I still remember receiving my first postcard. It was postmarked from Austria. I had written on my profile that I liked pink so the sender had selected a lovely fuchsia flower postcard for me. Upon registering my card and messaging a thank you note, I was able to view the profile of the sender. His avatar depicted an older man with a mustache and glasses, a beautiful alpine background in the distance.
In the time since, I have sent 500 cards and received as many. Every time I open my mailbox, I am reminded of our capacity for kindness. The only rule for Postcrossing is to send a card and register it on the website when you receive one. Yet, without fail the members go above and beyond to send something they hope will bring me a smile. They chose cards especially with me in mind, from the picture on the front to the stamp choice. They hand decorate the cards with washi tape, stickers and doodles that reflect the interests I expressed on my profile.
I’ve received cards hand drawn just for me. I’ve received envelopes closed with beautiful wax seals containing letters, tea bags, stickers, drink menus and more. I met an amazing Spanish penpal with whom I regularly correspond with to share our hopes and fears. I am always amazed by the thoughtful gifts she sends me, like a handmade scarf in my favorite colors. It’s crazy how well she knows me considering we’ve never met in person.
I can no longer look at the world the way I did before Postcrossing.
I’ve received several cards from war zones. I regularly exchange cards with folks in countries our government doesn’t particularly get along with. I’ve exchanged cards with everyone from an 89 year old German mathematician to a 7 year old girl in Belarus (she made me a fabulous unicorn postcard). Despite all of our differences, I’ve experienced only our shared humanity. Stories of dreams, families, pets, hobbies.
When I sit down to write a card, my only goal is to return the goodwill I’ve received. I study the recipient's profile, combing through the bin of postcards I’ve collected from airports, touristy trinket stores and museum gift shops. I keep an eye out for cool coasters, magnets or coins I come across to tuck into the occasional package. I write a note that I hope will make the recipient smile, proud to share about the culture of my city and country.
Every weekend, I zone out and put away the week’s haul into 4 inch thick binders. There is peace in the process. There is a section of religious sites, the medieval European cathedrals mingling with a gorgeous Baháʼí House of Worship in New Dehli, a humble airport chapel, Buddhist temples and a classic tourist style card from Bethlehem. There is a collection of seal cards from all over the world - paintings, photos, even a 3-D card. The senders don’t know it, but seals are my favorite animal because they remind me of my father who died when I was a teenager. Every seal postcard brings happy memories of him flooding back.
So whether or not people are good or bad, I don’t know. But I will keep feeding the good wolves. Postcrossing reminds me that kindness and connection exist, one postcard at a time.
Tips to Get Started
So are you interested in starting Postcrossing?
Sign up! Visit Postcrossing.com and create your profile. It’s free!
Request to send a postcard. You’ll immediately be given a name and address.
Gather your postcards and stamps.
Postcards: Classic tourist cards are always a hit. Look for them in souvenir shops, museum gift shops and airports. My favorite locations have been Love’s truck stops and Cracker Barrels. Another easy option is to purchase a boxed set. I love this National Parks set and photographer Clark Little’s wave set. Here’s a list of online shops you can check out as well. You can even make your own handmade card, but save those for profiles that request them. I’ve seen cards with embroidary, cards made from food packaging and sticker collages. It’s a great excuse for bite sized creativity.
Stamps: In the USA, you can purchase International stamps and make it easy. However, a lot of Postcrossers like myself love to use a variety of stamps. You can use any stamps that equal or exceed the current cost of an International stamp. For me, I’ll slightly overpost my cards and use 2 Forever stamps (like these cute carnival ones) and an additional ounce stamp. Fun fact: unused postage does not expire so you can buy a big lot of vintage stamps and still use them at face value. I’ve purchased this several times and had a total blast sorting them all out.
Write your postcard. Talk about whatever you want. How has your day been? What are you looking forward to? Talk about your family or friends. Decorate it if you want. Be sure to include the code provided when you draw the name so the member can register it.
Send it off! When your postcard arrives, you’ll be next up to receive a card.
Have patience. There’s a reason it’s called snail mail. It can take several weeks for cards to arrive. When it does, be sure to register the card and thank the sender.
Disclaimer: Should you decide to embark on this snail mail journey, I will not be held responsible for what happens to your algorithm (see below).
Let me know if you join!
This children’s book looks so sweet. I still keep a few quarters on me, a habit born in the world of payphones but now they’re most likely to be used for my Aldi’s cart.
Black Barbie on Netflix - Did you know the first Black Barbie was not released until 1980?
I am getting dangerously close to accepting Crocs into my life. Someone stop me?
Your turn!
What are you reading this summer?
Do you still send snail mail?
What hobbies or activities help you keep your spirits up?
Share in the comments!
See you guys next week, possibly with Crocs on,
I'm definitely going to join Postrcrossing! What a brilliant idea, I didn't know it existed. It reminds me of when I was a child and I had penpals. Lovely! In fact I met one of my penpals 35 years later totally randomly through a mutual friend. I mean, what are the odds? She was a wonderful woman, a couple of years older than me. Sadly, she died in a tragic accident a few years ago, but we'd been in touch since we were 15 years old. I do believe that most humans are good, and want the best for others. It's just that the unpleasant ones tend to be slightly more vocal... ! But we all just want to connect. Take care of yourself! xx
Sometimes when I’m not in a rush, I’ll pull into our carport and just sit in my car before going inside. It feels oddly luxurious. So here I am reading this and fully getting teary eyed. I had never heard of this postcrossing 🤯🤯 and I’m SO in.
Also, I fully relate to the struggle to understand—are we good or are we bad? Of course it’s both and neither but that doesn’t feel very satisfying. What I do know from my time as a therapist is that everyone is just wanting to feel understood and seen as they are, where they’ve been hurt. When that doesn’t happen, chaos, pain, projection, harm, dissociation and so on occurs. Which makes me think, not only does postcrossing restore your faith in humanity, it also adds to more people being seen and cherished.